Life of a self harmer (im not one bi day way)

the blade cutting in leaves me dizzy
im so happy
i hope this feeling never leaves me
i wanna be happy like i was when i was 10
when secondary school hadnt hit me
when boys hadnt fancied me
when girls hadnt bitched on me
i wished my life was over
but im not brave enough
i never will be
life has hit me of of a sudden
why does god hate me so much
im sitting here alone with you
my dear knife friend
kiss me goodbye of my troubles
and i will stop
i promise.