i dont know how to describe this.

i still dont understand what i did and tears are like thorns under my eyelids. panting and curling inside myself and wishing i could disappear for a while to make everyone happy for once. im a mess. i wonder why i was such a tool, used and tossed aside until the next time i was needed, coaxed out with pretty words and empty promises. "repair anything spi;d bought or processed." imangryimangryimANGRY and the more i repeat it the more of a chance there is that we'll both believe it. "honey are you okay" "yes mom i'm fine" "i just knew you two were close" but understanding isn't key here whats key here is lonelyness. i'm up(sidedown)set because of all the things i gave you. cash, my horror movie collection, a piece of my virginity? was i too obvious because i'm one step away from tattooing a heart on my sleeve, CLICHES AGAIN. grinding my pen in paper hoping it will show me the meaning. the answer. the key to this fucking door. i wanted my Say Anything moment sorry i wasnt good enough.