Through & Through

I love what’s broken,
And I break what I love.
This vicious cycle never ever wants to give up.
I want to love you, I really do.
But the problem lies in me, not you.
I turn everyone against me,
And everyone against me I turn.
This is something I never seem to learn.
I want to be yours, I do.
But I was lost long before this afternoon.
Everyone I touch grows sour,
And everyone sour I touch.
This is getting to be more than just too much.
I want to keep you safe, I do.
But all that I attempt falls through.
All that glitters is gold,
And all that is gold glitters.
This is the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.
I want to shine for you, I do.
But I am dulled by the lives I’ve consumed.
You stole my heart,
And my heart stole you.
This may have been unjustly true.
I want nothing more than to hear you say, “I love you.”
But I know all I deserve is, “You’re just bad news.”
Yet here you are before me,
And before me here you are.
This is the first thing that tells me you’re in my heart.
You want me to love you, you do.
And I can only say, “Then please love me through & through.”
When you go you always promise me,
And you always promise me when you go,
That you’ll always love me & treat me so,
That you want nothing more than to be with me
And float in this sea for all of eternity.
I love what’s broken,
And for once you are not.
This cycle has finally & happily stopped.
I want you to know this, I really do.
I want you to love me, through & through.

~Amanda J. Neubauer