my life-- screaming crying bleeding alive but dying

in the darkness
screams only exist my head
what has never been
will never be dead
a happy little child
never in this life
no, never will i be happy
not by the blade of a knife
from a child
so long ago it seems
i was unhappy
even in my dreams
even now i pray
that soon il rise
il awake from this nightmare
but what a suprise
im not dreaming
the pain and crying
the blood and tears
the screaming the alive but dying
when trying to think
and trying to sleep
the things i thought i forgot
stab me deep
so many times
have i cried for another one
an endless amount of tears
for somthing that i have done
or so they say
they say its my fault
im not sure
i dont think its my fault
im not perfect
far from it to be true
but im not what they call me
but some i am to
things like idiot
things like stupid fucking whore
i know i am because i run
i just walk out the door
they dont know how hard it is
but its so bad to be happy it will hurt
thats why i dont argue
when they treat me like dirt
i have been treated like this
like this since
well since i can remeber
do you need to be convinced
im not lying
why would i lie?
i dont know why everyone thinks im lying
but still i cry
i cry beacuase im never happy
i cry because theres nothingness thats all
when i feel this way
i sink to my knees and crawl
to the blade
a source of my earliest fear
and thats when i see the blood
and those awful screams i hear
im not the first
in my horrible form of a life
this is a earlier punishment
the horrible painful KNIFE
here comes the screams
and the tears again
maybe this is a dream
well i hope so now and then