That's Just Not Me

There's an implosion going on
Inside of my head
As I lay in the darkness
On this strangely cool bed

A turnover of thoughts
Keeps me awake at night
No matter how hard I try
I cannot win this fight

Evaluation of oneself
What I do, what I say
How I talk, how I act
Keeps me going till day

It's strange this person
Who lies in this bed
She calls herself me
But it's someone else instead

She laughs and she smiles
And she talks with glee
But at the end of the day
That's just not me

I pine for old friends
Whilst trying with new
I went from so many
To now so few

Am I success?
Or was I too bold?
For this life I live now
Is not like the old

There were many then
Who called themselves friends
But now there are few
And this girl she pretends

That everything is fine
That everything is alright
When truly inside
She's losing this fight

The fight for ignorance
The fight for bliss
She's losing it all
In this darkest abyss

I pine for days
Of laughter gone by
When friends were abundant
And time seemed to fly

But now I sit
In the dark of the night
Writing this note
Waiting for light

This is not all
That it was cracked up to be
I want to go home
I don't care of the fee

I laugh and I smile
And I talk happily
But at the end of the day
That's just not me

I don't like to party
Or stay downstairs for too long
I like the comfort of my laptop
Is that so wrong?

I try so hard
For everyone to see
That I'm willing and happy
To create a whole new me

But at the end of the day
When I'm trying to sleep
I realise to myself
I'm going too deep

For I laugh and I smile
And I socialise with thee
But at the end of the day...
That's just not me