Refusal to live

You've realised now, haven't you?

I take your stupid drugs so much that I feel I want another;
when I've just had one.

You're rejecting me, are you not?

You started this, you told me to take my mind off him;
to bleed till I felt nothing.

You're all the reason I'm away from the world,
the norms, reality. And yet you find it somewhat absurd.

When you thought you knew me, and I believed,
you gave me what I needed, I felt relieved.
I let you in, let you fill my mind, what have we achieved?
What? That I loathe you, I knew not I was to be deceived..

Am I an animal, sodomized, suffering.? Giving no objection,
no complaint. Mercy? Is bestiality another form of affection?
Surely I'm not your pet, and never will be; an object played with
Get a sex toy, a vibrator, whatever. I'm no statue, an acrolith...

Have you not testified what the misery's cause is..?
I'm going to swallow my pride, choke on my faith.
Move on, forget you. Forget reality. Bleed.
Then I'll know it's me you heed.
My errs.

Fall into the deep hole of depression. Its your provocation
try placate me once more, those apologies. Pure aggravation;
is the aftermath; know that. I need you no more,
I'm in a mental state as it is, is this what you adore?

Have you realized I've gone missing? You haven't.
Do you bother caring, if you don't recieve? No.
Leave me alone, crying and smiling. Self-comforting.
Self-destruction. Just a little wince of pain... no?

Again, have you no care for animals at least?
Torment, crucify, treat IT with care?
It's not just you. It's your teamsters, the proud one's.
Go on, tell them you want me to fuck off. Swear?

If you've really been through what I have, help me out.
You know nothing of me. There's no doubt.
I often ask myself If I'm overreacting. If you are concerned?
If you have the same feelings. If I have my back turned.
hah, I caught you once, twice, three times. Is that not too much..
reside by me. No? I have a last word; WATCH.

" What I turn into.
" What happens.
" The altered person you're making me.

I wrote this once before, but better.
Here's an agonizing letter.

Here's an ode, a simple one of a simple state of mind.

And no. Its invincible. Impossible to mend.
Here's another I addend.

You, I wont call.

I
FALL.

into this deep hole of apathy...