The Truth Of It All

In my head,
I replay last night,
And I replay everytime I've ever hurt you,
Or whenever you hurt me.
It replays in my head and my own voice echoes.
I think of how much I've screwed up entirely in my life.
And I don't want anymore memories,
Like those to replay in my head.
And I know, by staying together,
We'll have more fights,
Arguments,
Pain.
I'm afraid to talk to you. Honestly,
When you called last night it took all my strength,
To pick up the phone and not break down.
I held back tears,
And it felt like there was a lump in my throat.
And finally, when the words slipped out,
I finally realized the truth of it all.

I never was okay.