Sabotage

Blank and so uncaring
That's all that I've become
I sit here dull and silent
Any spark I had is gone
What happened to my passion?
What happened to my pain?
What happened to the one I was?
I think I've gone insane
Driven away by boredom
Immune to pain and hurt
Sneering down at others
Not having any worth
I'm truly unimportant
I've brought no one any good
I'm letting my life go to waste
I don't do the things I should
I can't bring myself to suicide
So I'll change other things instead
Like ruining my own relationships
And feel feelings that should be dead
My death'd make people happy
And allow myself to feel
Because nothing that I feel right now
None of it is real
Haha! I do not love you
I do not think I can
Try and try as I might
My mind just cannot win
My heart wants just what it wants
And trust me that's not you
But I got myself in this mess
There's nothing I can do
This life makes me miserable
And no you aren't my friend
I'm a solo flier
Filled to the brim with sin
Arrogant and cocky
From smirks and stares to grins
My emotions play out like a film
Forget what I just said
Because it's a like a movie
A dramatic one at that
But unlike all those actors
I know how to act
Confusing when in writing
Worse inside my mind
From thoughts down to emotions
It all makes me want to hide
I can handle neither
I'm stuck now in this place
Because no matter my decision
Someone's bound to break
If I keep up what I'm doing
That person will be me
If I switch my choices
No telling who it'd be
It'd be one or the other
But I only want the one
But conscious would kill me
So the other one has won