Continuous Rape

this is very personal, I hope you respect my openess...

.......

I have had it,
With your lies,
Won’t you shut up?
Leave me now,
When I beg you to!

I cry in the night,
Just because of you,
Clinging to me,
I feel you under my skin,
Won’t you go away…?

I know not what to do,
When I close my eyes,
It’s your face I see,
Even when I shield my ears,
I hear your voice…

It only happened once,
But I feel it again and again,
You’re raping me,
And I can’t do a thing,
You don’t hear my pleading…

I hear your breath in the night,
I feel your body in the covers,
I smell your scent,
You’re everywhere,
And I can not escape,
Even when you’re gone…

I wake up screaming,
Crying, I can not take it,
And so many years has gone,
Why can’t I forgot,
Everything you did,
It still hurts…

I wish I could rip up,
Or burn the skin you touched,
I still feel your fingers,
Touching my body,
You have marked me,
Invisible to others…

But I see it clearly…
In my eyes I see you,
The look in your eyes,
Burning me like cigarettes,
Torturing me,
Holding me…

Last time I saw you,
You told me that you love me…
I had to run,
Wishing you wouldn’t get me,
See me, touch me,
I, I… did I love you?