Renouncing My Death
Uh oh. I did something stupid and bad.
Oh my god, my friends are going to be mad.
Should I tell them or should I lie?
I don’t want to hurt them or make them cry.
Too many tears have already been shed.
Too much blood has already been bled.
Searching my room, looking for a pill to pop.
Holy shit, Alicia, just shut up and stop.
Okay, I think I have a little self control.
Yes!Two days without drugs! I’m on a roll.
Walk into the kitchen and I spot a knife.
Images flashing about ending my life.
Woah! Calm down! It’s going to be okay.
Here I go, all my emotions are on display.
Oh, a piece of rope, what can I do with it?
Listening to words that my haters spit.
Now I’m wrapping it around my neck.
Am I a somebody? I’ll go check.
Wait. What am I doing? I can’t do this.
Because I know that some people will miss
The fact that I’m gone and won’t be around.
Fall screaming and crying onto the ground.
God! I just want this madness to end.
Heal my wounded soul and help me mend.
I’m trying, can’t you see? I’m trying to heal.
With all of my issues, I’m trying to deal.
Okay, Alicia, you just need to calm down.
I need to learn to swim so that I won’t drown.
Knelt by my bed, hung my head and prayed.
Stepping into the bathroom, I see a razorblade.
I just stare at it for a few minutes and then shake my head.
No, not today, I’m not ending up dead.
I look away but I can feel my hand move.
I can’t do that, my friends wouldn’t approve.
Walk out of there and back into my room.
I feel like I’m walking into a tomb.
Out the corner of my eye, I can see my gun.
No, I will not be undone.
I feel my hand move on its own accord.
My brain yells “Stop!” but it’s being ignored.
But wait, Alicia, there’s another way out.
Come on, you can find another route.
But still, I press the metal to my head.
Feels like my sanity is hanging by a thread.
No! I can’t do this! I can’t hurt the ones that I love.
I have to push back when push comes to shove.
Put the gun down and give a sigh of relief.
There are other ways I can handle my grief.
Please, my friends, understand that I’m trying.
I’m sick of my pain and these thought about dying.
Give me a second chance, that’s all I ask.
Even though for some, that might be a hard task....
Oh my god, my friends are going to be mad.
Should I tell them or should I lie?
I don’t want to hurt them or make them cry.
Too many tears have already been shed.
Too much blood has already been bled.
Searching my room, looking for a pill to pop.
Holy shit, Alicia, just shut up and stop.
Okay, I think I have a little self control.
Yes!Two days without drugs! I’m on a roll.
Walk into the kitchen and I spot a knife.
Images flashing about ending my life.
Woah! Calm down! It’s going to be okay.
Here I go, all my emotions are on display.
Oh, a piece of rope, what can I do with it?
Listening to words that my haters spit.
Now I’m wrapping it around my neck.
Am I a somebody? I’ll go check.
Wait. What am I doing? I can’t do this.
Because I know that some people will miss
The fact that I’m gone and won’t be around.
Fall screaming and crying onto the ground.
God! I just want this madness to end.
Heal my wounded soul and help me mend.
I’m trying, can’t you see? I’m trying to heal.
With all of my issues, I’m trying to deal.
Okay, Alicia, you just need to calm down.
I need to learn to swim so that I won’t drown.
Knelt by my bed, hung my head and prayed.
Stepping into the bathroom, I see a razorblade.
I just stare at it for a few minutes and then shake my head.
No, not today, I’m not ending up dead.
I look away but I can feel my hand move.
I can’t do that, my friends wouldn’t approve.
Walk out of there and back into my room.
I feel like I’m walking into a tomb.
Out the corner of my eye, I can see my gun.
No, I will not be undone.
I feel my hand move on its own accord.
My brain yells “Stop!” but it’s being ignored.
But wait, Alicia, there’s another way out.
Come on, you can find another route.
But still, I press the metal to my head.
Feels like my sanity is hanging by a thread.
No! I can’t do this! I can’t hurt the ones that I love.
I have to push back when push comes to shove.
Put the gun down and give a sigh of relief.
There are other ways I can handle my grief.
Please, my friends, understand that I’m trying.
I’m sick of my pain and these thought about dying.
Give me a second chance, that’s all I ask.
Even though for some, that might be a hard task....