Relapse

I can't believe I started this again,
I knew I would but didn't know when.
In my room I locked the door,
look down and see six more.
I don't know how I got sucked back in,
but it's a war I can not win.
More and more show up every week,
but I don't care my emotions are bleak.
No one to talk to or to call,
alone I must face this all.
I promised many I wouldn't go back,
but it's the strength that I lack.
Well i'm up to sixteen more now,
and I want to stop but just don't know how.