Player

I know what you said
You said we’d last forever
You even gave me a ring
To prove it

Where is that ring now?
Lying in a drawer
Tucked away
Because it reminds me
Of you

If I don’t like things
That remind me of you
Then why am I wearing your old shirt?
Why am I lying here
Clutching onto it
As my tears fall?
Are these tears of grief..or tears of guilt?

Where are you, now?
Are you with her?
Making her laugh..telling her that you and she will last forever?
Giving her a ring
That someday will lie
Buried
In a heap of clothing
In the back of her drawer?
When she finds out
What you have done?

If I don’t like things that remind of you..then why did you just leave?
If we’re broken up..
If you’re dating her..
Then why did we have sex?
Right before your date
With her

Where are your lips now?
On hers?
Whispering lies
Whispering that you love her
That she’s the only one
She’s not
I’m not
You have so many..

If I don’t like being hurt..then why do I let you do this to me?
You’re a player
I know that
Now
Yet I still come back
You don’t love me
I love you
So many people love you
You love no one
You love the game
The chase

Where does your heart lie?
Did you love, once?

********************
I pretend
To laugh
At something the girl in front of me says
Bottle blond
Hot
She’s the same..as all the rest
All but you
It feels like just yesterday
That I left you
On the bed
Broken
Why
Are you the only one I ever felt guilty
About hurting?

You reminded me of..
A girl
A girl I knew four years
When I was a junior in high school
When I fell in love for the first time
When she left me
For the school quarterback
You looked just like her
But on the inside..you were different
I pretended
To be strong
Then and now
To my family
My friends
I’m the ultimate player
The one who gets any and every girl
Why do I hurt?
I hurt
To avoid being hurt
Ever again

You reminded me of..
The boy I was
In love
Happy
Desperate
For anything from the one you love
Even if you knew I was cheating on you
Even if you knew it meant nothing

I pretended
That it meant nothing
Yet every kiss from you..made me feel more
Then I ever felt in a night with someone
Else
You felt just as much..before
Before you met him

You reminded me
Of who I was
I gave my first love
Everything she wanted
Everything I had to give
Even when she hurt me
Again and again
You gave me
Everything I wanted
Even though I hurt you
Constantly
I should have known
That one day
You’d say ‘No’
That one day
You’d move on
Let go

I pretended..
That watching you hurt
Didn’t hurt me
I pretend
That I don’t want to walk out of this restaurant right now
Walk away from this shallow girl
And into your arms
Arms that were once open to me..
I never pretended
Not to be scared
I knew that I was
Scared that I might be feeling things
That I haven’t felt since I had my heart broken
Players don’t fall in love

All these years
I’ve hidden my heart
With a string of those that I’ve broken
I didn’t want to break your heart

I waited too long
I broke your heart
And didn’t realize that I broke mine too
Until you got over it
Until you healed
And found someone new
Not a player
Not me

He’s everything that I’m not
Everything that you deserve
You’ll be happy together
You’ll have the American dream together
Two kids
A house, a car

I’ll stay a bachelor
I’ll stay a player
In my apartment
Alone
With the ghosts of my two loves
One who broke me
And one..
Who I broke