Can't take it anymore

So..Another kick in the ass and shot to the head.
Stricken by this curse, still wishing I was dead...
Tried so hard to be better but it seems to fail..
Each time I fall the more it seems my mind to frail..

So i'm at the point where I can't take much more..
I look deep inside me to see what's in store..
Only regrets and anger left within the cage
To wither and pulse quarreling with rage..

Relied upon from all but they can't really see...
I'm like a pedistal that's planted like a tree..
But i'm dieing and withering becoming depressed..
Relied upon the ones who can't see how much I suppress..

But then my mind shifts as always like before..
Turning to rage, despising myself ever more..
Wanting to die the most painful way I can..
The murder intentions towards other centered towards myself.............
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Everything I feel towards those I hate...
I want done to me five hundred times more
The pain I inflicted against every single person I hurt...
I want to feel inside me as I die five hundred times worse....

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I want to be executed on public display..
For everyone to know I am much weaker this way...
I want to go back in time and slaughter my younger self..
I want to place every single fucking limb upon a shelf...

And hack at the remains with an axe until I pass out..
To avenge the people I unpurposefully hurt...
I burn my younger remains and then light myself out...
So the older me suffers..as the younger is burnt......