Suicide Drive

Betrayal is more than a feeling
Or an action,
My life ended when you said goodbye.

Wasn’t I enough,
To help you with your hurt,
To show you how to love?

The way you danced in the wind,
It was enough to break my heart,
This all enfolding panic,
At the end of your new start.

I wish I could just find the words to say,
Ones to bring you back,
Ones to make it right,
The words that would erase these scars,
Ones to end this fight,
Our memories just hurt us,
Better to forget than to forgive.

You were so much better
Than to stay down when you fell,
Until you slipped on the hurt in this world,
And left me in this hell.

It’ll never again be right,
Because it was never wrong,

Do you remember the long
Hours anymore,
Do you remember the way
You always found my hand to hold,
Up until the last,

The turn of the wheel
Bringing you back to me,
Those moments we stole,
Like penitentiary,
Open wounds,
Stealing kisses in the back,

Down on the streets you fled,
How did life get this far ahead,
Those times we were alone,
Oh you shone, you shone,
Leading me home,
Tired just because,
The pound of your heart
(Monitor)
My breathing,
The buzzing of flies to the kill,
The crackle of the blaze,
The seeing through the haze,
The way your hand was still,
As you pulled away.

How did we endure
More than being sure,
Just trying to ignite,
To fall into the flames
Of this corroding time.

I wish I could just find the words to say,
Ones to bring you back,
Ones to make it right,
Words that would erase these scars,
Ones to take back that fight,

Our memories just hurt us,
Better to forget than forgive

It’ll never be right again,
Because it was never wrong,
Feel the hurt in sin,
Listen to this pained song.

Do you remember the long hours
At all anymore?

You were so much better
Than to stay down when you fell,
Until you slipped on the hurt in this world,
And left me in this hell.

The suicide drive was just too strong
To hold you back,
I was just too blind
To see through all the black,
But you had me

Can I just forgive,
Does this pain really show?
I never thought I’d feel hate for you.

Can I find the will to live?
Can I see it through to the end,
Like you never did?
Will you be with me as I fall?
Did you understand at all?

The waves lap at my feet,
At the end of this dock,
I won't feel a thing,
As the cold erases heat,
Slip into that coma,
I’ll soon be sung,
at the end of my rope,

In the cold of the ocean,
Finding suicide drive,
Now I understand.
So hold me one last night,
They’ll find me washed up on the sand,
Smiling softly in the dawn light
At the way you held my hand.