Nicholas, Thanks for Tearing Me Apart

I love you to death,
I care for you more than anyone.
Why do I have to say it over and over,
Just for you to believe me?

All the crap going on between us,
kills me and tears me apart.
I'm so shattered and torn.
And for what?

You left me,
You hurt me and broke me.
You lied through your teeth,
And I hope someone shoves those words
Right back into your mouth and down your throat,
So you can feel the pain inside out.

That's the worst type of pain.
I can endure a broken bone, a bloody nose,
But when it's inside that hurts.
There's nothing to do about it but endure it.

I want to endure everything for you.
I want to die for you,
If you need me to.
I'd do whatever you asked and you know that,
That's what hurts the most.

I wish I could forgive you.
I wish I could believe you,
And love you and work it out.
I wish I could be with you without complications.
But I can't.

I'm guarding my heart with all I can,
Because of you.
I'm forcing myself to keep up the wall that's been up my whole life,
and make it thicker,
To hold up this barrier so you can't break it down.

But you know the weak spots.
You know where to hit me
Just enough to break me.
You know how to break it down,
Break me down,
So I have no choice but to feel the pain.

I can't hold back the pain,
Because by loving you,
You push it all back into me.

Why Me?
What did I do to make you hurt me?
Honestly, I loved you
And stuck by you through harder times
Than I think anyone else would have ever done.

Let's be honest,
You never even loved me.
You put me through this hell,
To see me fall down.

Do you feel better now,
Knowing what you've done?
Do you feel proud now,
Knowing it's all written out?

I hope you're happy.
Knowing this Nick,
You're the one who shattered me.
Enough that I want to kill myself.