Confusion

Im so confused.

I cant word things for my life.

I messed everything up.

I ruined every non existant chance i had with you.

Why?

Because i made you think i wanted the title, and not you.

If i didnt want you,

Why would i have wanted to wait?

Not because i wanted a girl.

Because i wanted you.

I wanted everything about you.

Youre personality,

Your beautiful, sweet, innocent shy nature.

Your for people.

Your trust in me.

The way i could look at you.

Your disorder.

Everything.

I just want you.

But now that's even more impossible than ever.

Im so confused.

I love you so much.

I was finally moving on.

But you dont believe it was because of you.

You were my perfect girl.

Now if i could take back everything i said,

If i could take back asking you anything,

If i could take back all the pain id caused you,

I would do it.

If it meant hurting myself,

I would.

I would give up cutting, fighting, additude, me,

all for you.

But you cant see that.

So where does that leave us?

You wont even talk to me.

You wont look at me.

You dont love me anymore.

I destroyed that.

I destroyed my non existant chance.

All because the words got confused in my mind.

All because i cant explain to you how much you mean to me.

All because i DONT deserve you and you thought vice versa.

Just know i love you.

Please forgive me.

Please give me another chance to explain.

Let me prove myself to you.

But i know that wont happen.

All because of my DAMN CONFUSION!

Why cant i be smart like you?

Why cant i be amazing like you?

Why cant i be shy like you?

Why cant i be perfect like you?

Im so confused by why you wanted me,

so confused when i couldnt have you, no matter what.

But nothing hurts worse than knowin i was the reason for your tears.

I love you.