The Pre-Party

Choose clothes - settle for a dress,
Navy as the sky, with lace like milk
Intricate cream, spilt onto spiderwebs,
Tights that glitter like fool's gold.

I am a fool for you - I dream of us
When I barely recall your face,
But for those muddy brown eyes
That I become stuck in, again.

Dress myself - clad in my outfit
I twist desperately in the mirror
Looking for a way to be beautiful
And not an immemorable illusion.

Our four hours seem like an illusion,
So surreal, steeped in magic, and
For a few hours I bloomed from my bud,
A flower unfurled, glorious petals and all.

Make up - I paint a face on carefully,
Twinkling, sparkling glitter for eyelids,
Bloody lips and clay to mask myself in,
An attempted eraser of my flaws.

You have no flaws to my blind eyes,
You are the mannequin of all I adore
And all my mind wanders for
As I drift out of consciousness.

I admire the finished girl under harsh lights
Wondering if she will be a disposable friend
Or the invisible second option for him
As he kisses another under the club lights.

The godless girl prays to anything
In the hopes that the die will roll another way
And the night will end with her eyes dry
And her dreams of him unbroken. I pray.