What did I do?

Lord, my Savior, our Jesus.
Tell me what I did wrong.
Why you hate me?
Why I feel like this?

This isn't normal.
This just isn't right.
I thought I did what you wanted.
I thought I did what made you happy.

I punished myself for thoughts, I had.
Or did you want me to have them?
I tried to kill myself,
A girl told me that it wasn't a sin.

I would never blame you,
Never would I try.
I've finally excepted it is all my fault,
And I deserved it.

I deserved the pain,
The hurt,
The betrayals,
I deserved them all.

But why am I so fucking messed up!
And please excuse my bad words.
I really don't want to hate myself,
But I know I deserve it.

I'll take my punishments,
And I'll keep them to myself..
I guess I really am worthless.
Really am a reject.

So God, Jesus, whoever hears this,
Just........Just please help me.
I don't want to be like this.
I really...........don't.