"They"

i'm sick of this,
acting happy when
i'm not

sick of putting on
my mask
and joking around
when
inside
i'm dieing

but
no one understands
they snap at me
with vicious words
full of hate

inside i grow colder
every time

i just wanna go home
to my room
close the door
turn down the lights
and cry

except
that i can't...
right now...
so i hold it inside,
bottle it up

i cant tell anyone
anything
or else
"they" will show
and
the people will
make me stop

but
i don't want to stop...
i like it...
i need it...
for emergencies,
dark times...

yet
i can't hide "them"
they'll find out.
they'll see
and
it scares me...