You Weren't There

You pushed me to this.
You pushed, you pushed and, you pushed.
But it didn’t matter as I felt the razor’s searing kiss-
So harsh, and cold to the touch.

You didn’t notice.
You didn’t notice the light leaving my eyes.
You looked at me-
You looked straight through me,
And you accepted the false truths I fed to you-
You accepted my façade, my disguise.

You ignored what I told you.
You said that it’s a phase, that it will pass.
You claim that it’s normality.
But my thoughts you just seem to cast-

You cast them aside,
And I’m far too quiet to tell you that you’re wrong.
I cannot change your mind.
And I’m afraid that my soul has been shattered for much too long.

One cut, two cuts, three-
Give me more.
I’ll do it again, it’ll never end.
I feel relief when my sides are bleeding and sore.

Just shrug it off your shoulders-
You tell me to stop, as if that will make everything okay.
But everything is fucked up,
And there are things that I cannot take back-
That can never be erased.

You claim to understand,
But honestly, dear, you don’t.
You do not seem to realize that my lungs lost their air,
And that any minute now that I will surely begin to choke.

Nothing seems to get better.
And I doubt that it ever will.
But you told me that it’ll happen someday,
“Just be calm,” you said.
“Just chill.”

You pushed me a little further,
But I put the blame solely on me.
For you are not the problem,
Merely because you couldn’t see.

See how I am fading-
See how my hope has gone.
See how I have become so apathetic-
See how I am completely numb.

Push me a little more-
It’s not your fault, I know you care.
I love you, but it truly hurt me-
It cut me deep,
On the day when you didn’t listen-
On the day when you weren’t there.