I Went To See My Mom Today
I went to see my mom today
She wasn’t at her home
And she wouldn’t answer her phone
No…
She was in the hospital
The place she dreaded most
I wonder
If she cried
Or if she waited
And if she waited for me
I wonder if she waited SO long
That they ‘forced’ her
To be Put out of pain
Through the IV they gave her
Morphine
I cry just thinking about it
How much pain she went through
The suffering
The agony
Everyone says…
She went through all that for me
I saw her ‘sleeping’ form eyes closed, and they would not open…
They say I was her pride and joy
But I beg to differ in SO many ways
I’m bad
I cuss
I’m suicidal
And I’m depressed
I couldn’t stay any longer
My tears
They burn my cheeks
And turn my hazel eyes
a nasty forest green
I ran away
I ran away
I ran way from the pain
The tears hard and rash
Never stopping
Never ending
Freefalling
Waterfalls
Thick and cold
Freezing
And sickening
Everything came to a halt
And everything stopped
My heart skipped a beat of threatening fear
My fingers froze solid
My blood run cold
My breath hitching in the back of my throat
My eyes land directly on her once sleeping form
And transforming into the now non moving
Never going to breath again
body
I begged and pleaded
I begged and pleaded with the nurses
But they said they couldn’t do anything…
So I sat in the corner…
On the so uninviting cold damp floor
Now covered in my tears
I placed my trembling hand on her now
Slightly pale face
No longer holding any warmth or softness like It once did a few agonizing seconds ago…
And whispered in her ear…
“I Love You Mommy… And I Always Will”
And kissed her frigid cheek…
Walked out of the room…
And never looked back…
Knowing… That I would NEVER be able to pull myself together again…
Hoping
Wishing
Things would go back to her holding me…and telling me things would be alright once again…
But I Still Dream
But I still dream
Of her
Holding me
Treasuring me
Smiling at me
Telling me that she’s with me at all times
Helping me
Guiding me through my dangerous thoughts…
Stroking my cheek
Sending shivers and tingles
Through me
Wishing that I could stay in this dream
And NEVER let her go
But she always tells me…
“I’ll be back Baby, don’t you worry, you can count one me…”
I cant help…but let her go, once again…
And wake up…
To this life long
Never ending
Nightmare…
She wasn’t at her home
And she wouldn’t answer her phone
No…
She was in the hospital
The place she dreaded most
I wonder
If she cried
Or if she waited
And if she waited for me
I wonder if she waited SO long
That they ‘forced’ her
To be Put out of pain
Through the IV they gave her
Morphine
I cry just thinking about it
How much pain she went through
The suffering
The agony
Everyone says…
She went through all that for me
I saw her ‘sleeping’ form eyes closed, and they would not open…
They say I was her pride and joy
But I beg to differ in SO many ways
I’m bad
I cuss
I’m suicidal
And I’m depressed
I couldn’t stay any longer
My tears
They burn my cheeks
And turn my hazel eyes
a nasty forest green
I ran away
I ran away
I ran way from the pain
The tears hard and rash
Never stopping
Never ending
Freefalling
Waterfalls
Thick and cold
Freezing
And sickening
Everything came to a halt
And everything stopped
My heart skipped a beat of threatening fear
My fingers froze solid
My blood run cold
My breath hitching in the back of my throat
My eyes land directly on her once sleeping form
And transforming into the now non moving
Never going to breath again
body
I begged and pleaded
I begged and pleaded with the nurses
But they said they couldn’t do anything…
So I sat in the corner…
On the so uninviting cold damp floor
Now covered in my tears
I placed my trembling hand on her now
Slightly pale face
No longer holding any warmth or softness like It once did a few agonizing seconds ago…
And whispered in her ear…
“I Love You Mommy… And I Always Will”
And kissed her frigid cheek…
Walked out of the room…
And never looked back…
Knowing… That I would NEVER be able to pull myself together again…
Hoping
Wishing
Things would go back to her holding me…and telling me things would be alright once again…
But I Still Dream
But I still dream
Of her
Holding me
Treasuring me
Smiling at me
Telling me that she’s with me at all times
Helping me
Guiding me through my dangerous thoughts…
Stroking my cheek
Sending shivers and tingles
Through me
Wishing that I could stay in this dream
And NEVER let her go
But she always tells me…
“I’ll be back Baby, don’t you worry, you can count one me…”
I cant help…but let her go, once again…
And wake up…
To this life long
Never ending
Nightmare…