A child of his

the phone call came and you answered
here is how it went:
"hello?"
"hi. it's me....we need to talk im late"
"shit....well do you wanna keep it?"
"i can't you're going away"
"yeah i know but that way i know you'll always be a part of my life."
"I cannot raise a kid on my own... IM 17!!"
"okay okay calm down"
"no you're being selfish! im gonna come see you every weekend and write you alot im not gonna forget about you! we've made it this far we can make it 5 years....."
"i guess you're right....well i gotta get back to work....ill text you."
*click*
the guilt and regret
i constantly want to be with you
but you always say no because you're going away
you promised that we could as soon as you get back.
but in 5 years who knows where i'll be?
maybe a kid would be the best way to keep you
but we both know i cant manage it.
and you said not being there to help me
would kill you and not watching your kid grow up
would be worse then the death sentence.
no kid wants to meet their father for the first time
on family visitation day...
it'll never work but i guess....
we could try just to see
where it leaves you and me.
broken and dead?
or together til the end?
why cant you see all i want
is for you to be with me?