Shake It Off
I thought this feeling wasn't serious
It would be here for awhile until I just power through it
That was a year ago
And I still feel the need to be alone
Maybe it lasts longer then I thought of at first
I just need to do what I do and it will pass
That dark cloud over my head
Will just disappear
There's only so much water in the world
But then there's that darn water cycle
Recycling used water from the ground and lakes
But wouldn't you need some sort of sun?
Like from my friends smiles and encouragements?
True, they are my sun and my family is the shine
Still feel that cloud hovering over my head
How can there be this much water in a place this dry?
Might as well just lay down here and rest
Don't feel like doing much at all really
A few tears escape from my face
It's okay, sometimes I need to cry
But if this has been happening more frequently
Been controlling what I love and hate
Raging my emotions to where I become the bitch I'm not
Then is this serious?
Does this feeling need to be dealt with on a professional level?
Or can I just shake it off?
I feel like everyone is against me
But at the same time I know they aren't
Then again I can easily be manipulated by people
Even I can fool myself
There just comes a time when I get to the lowest point of my life
And I guess it's now
So I can just climb up this deep, dark, square like hole
And continue living my life
But how can I hold on to a wall?
How could I even find the energy to climb out
When the sun isn't able to reach down and touch my cheeks?
I forgot what it felt like to be in the sun
I bet it's warm
Winter months are probably to blame
Snowing down upon my head
Causing me to watch my steps with the dangerous ice
Paranoid thoughts of deadly one-inch sized icicles
Ya: it's the winter months that are causing this year round buffet
Of all you can eat Me
Do I even care about myself anymore?
Do I need to talk to someone about this feeling I get when I am mad with myself?
Or can I just shake it off?
There is no clouds over my head
I've checked
There is no ditch I dug
I'm on a flat surface laying under the sun
But it seems like the sun is too bright for Me
It's burning my skin through the muck
Muck is in my lungs
On my skin
In my hair
Covering my eyes
Shaping my ears
Slowing me down
Weighing me down
Causing me to shake all around
But all the energy
Plus the hours of sleep I never seem to get
It's such a heavy burden
I'm trying to tear it off but it just bounces like Jell-O against my fragile fingernails
I would call out for help if it wasn't in my mouth
I could try to get your attention if I wasn't busy trying to clean myself over and over
It just doesn't want to come off
I'm struggling and I can't shake the muck off
Why even bother anymore?
The muck is here to stay and let it stay
I'm done for
Days just come and go
Some different, most the same
The feeling is still there, consuming smiles
Feeding tears
Controlling once happy thoughts
I can barely sleep without checking the darkness every minute or so
Mr. Skin can pull me in the dark all he wants
My new nightmare, as of recently, is Crow
Who gouges my guts out with his beak
He walks with a bob to his head
With his tight, black, slim body
Never crouching nor flying
He's the guy who finishes the job Mr. Skin starts
He reminds me of Mr. Manbird, who is all the way
Safe in some other place in my mind
While I'm trying to hold up my walls
That seem to crash down more easily
Where is this place?
And why can't I stay there too, Mr. Manbird?
Why is it that I refuse to call out for help?
Is there some coup d'état going on in Here?
Why do I want to destroy myself so easily?
It's so easy, but why do it?
People will miss me
I know that for sure
But why do I not care?
Where did my heart go?
Crow hasn't reached it yet, I'm sure
I feel like I'm crashing
Panic is rising from every corner
Screams echo throughout my head
I'm falling!
I'm sick!
I'm choking!
I'm hurting!
I'm yelling!
I'm screaming:
I'm crying!
I'm laughing!
I'm fighting!
I'm forfeiting!
I'm almost cook well done!
I'm depressed.
Something you just can't shake off
Or this could all just be the rough teenage years.
It would be here for awhile until I just power through it
That was a year ago
And I still feel the need to be alone
Maybe it lasts longer then I thought of at first
I just need to do what I do and it will pass
That dark cloud over my head
Will just disappear
There's only so much water in the world
But then there's that darn water cycle
Recycling used water from the ground and lakes
But wouldn't you need some sort of sun?
Like from my friends smiles and encouragements?
True, they are my sun and my family is the shine
Still feel that cloud hovering over my head
How can there be this much water in a place this dry?
Might as well just lay down here and rest
Don't feel like doing much at all really
A few tears escape from my face
It's okay, sometimes I need to cry
But if this has been happening more frequently
Been controlling what I love and hate
Raging my emotions to where I become the bitch I'm not
Then is this serious?
Does this feeling need to be dealt with on a professional level?
Or can I just shake it off?
I feel like everyone is against me
But at the same time I know they aren't
Then again I can easily be manipulated by people
Even I can fool myself
There just comes a time when I get to the lowest point of my life
And I guess it's now
So I can just climb up this deep, dark, square like hole
And continue living my life
But how can I hold on to a wall?
How could I even find the energy to climb out
When the sun isn't able to reach down and touch my cheeks?
I forgot what it felt like to be in the sun
I bet it's warm
Winter months are probably to blame
Snowing down upon my head
Causing me to watch my steps with the dangerous ice
Paranoid thoughts of deadly one-inch sized icicles
Ya: it's the winter months that are causing this year round buffet
Of all you can eat Me
Do I even care about myself anymore?
Do I need to talk to someone about this feeling I get when I am mad with myself?
Or can I just shake it off?
There is no clouds over my head
I've checked
There is no ditch I dug
I'm on a flat surface laying under the sun
But it seems like the sun is too bright for Me
It's burning my skin through the muck
Muck is in my lungs
On my skin
In my hair
Covering my eyes
Shaping my ears
Slowing me down
Weighing me down
Causing me to shake all around
But all the energy
Plus the hours of sleep I never seem to get
It's such a heavy burden
I'm trying to tear it off but it just bounces like Jell-O against my fragile fingernails
I would call out for help if it wasn't in my mouth
I could try to get your attention if I wasn't busy trying to clean myself over and over
It just doesn't want to come off
I'm struggling and I can't shake the muck off
Why even bother anymore?
The muck is here to stay and let it stay
I'm done for
Days just come and go
Some different, most the same
The feeling is still there, consuming smiles
Feeding tears
Controlling once happy thoughts
I can barely sleep without checking the darkness every minute or so
Mr. Skin can pull me in the dark all he wants
My new nightmare, as of recently, is Crow
Who gouges my guts out with his beak
He walks with a bob to his head
With his tight, black, slim body
Never crouching nor flying
He's the guy who finishes the job Mr. Skin starts
He reminds me of Mr. Manbird, who is all the way
Safe in some other place in my mind
While I'm trying to hold up my walls
That seem to crash down more easily
Where is this place?
And why can't I stay there too, Mr. Manbird?
Why is it that I refuse to call out for help?
Is there some coup d'état going on in Here?
Why do I want to destroy myself so easily?
It's so easy, but why do it?
People will miss me
I know that for sure
But why do I not care?
Where did my heart go?
Crow hasn't reached it yet, I'm sure
I feel like I'm crashing
Panic is rising from every corner
Screams echo throughout my head
I'm falling!
I'm sick!
I'm choking!
I'm hurting!
I'm yelling!
I'm screaming:
I'm crying!
I'm laughing!
I'm fighting!
I'm forfeiting!
I'm almost cook well done!
I'm depressed.
Something you just can't shake off
Or this could all just be the rough teenage years.