Never leave me

The feeling is so strong. The feeling wont go away.
I lay here on my bed. I lay here and think. I think about what life would be like if you never died.
I wonder how many fights we would've had. I wonder how many tears would've hit my cheeks.
I'm still laying here. I lay here waiting for more information about you. I wait here for the questions I've asked to be answered.
I think back and ask myself did i end up the way you wanted me to?
I dont know if ill know everything about you. I do remember when you tried to stay sober and go to college.
I try not to think about the pain i feel inside.
I remember when you'd bring us to all their house's. I can still see all the drugs and all the beer bottles.
I know you weren't perfect. I know you did love us.
I hope it wasn't all on propose. I was just a kid. Its was all just a nightmare.
I stare at the reminders on my wrists.
I'll stare at my walls and think back when you said you'd never leave me.