Denial

These words attempt to erase
My feelings.
I try to lose myself
In black and white,
Though I have tried before
And it does not work.
I struggle to forget what
It feels like.
That awful, constricting sense
Of shame.
I force my mind to pretend
Like it never even happened,
Though it never existed
Except as a figment of my imagination.
I deny my feelings,
Refuse to interpret the signs.
This. Isn't. Happening.
Unbidden, my memories return
To that night,
That day.
The pleasure and the pain,
And the overwhelming shame.