Denial
These words attempt to erase
My feelings.
I try to lose myself
In black and white,
Though I have tried before
And it does not work.
I struggle to forget what
It feels like.
That awful, constricting sense
Of shame.
I force my mind to pretend
Like it never even happened,
Though it never existed
Except as a figment of my imagination.
I deny my feelings,
Refuse to interpret the signs.
This. Isn't. Happening.
Unbidden, my memories return
To that night,
That day.
The pleasure and the pain,
And the overwhelming shame.
My feelings.
I try to lose myself
In black and white,
Though I have tried before
And it does not work.
I struggle to forget what
It feels like.
That awful, constricting sense
Of shame.
I force my mind to pretend
Like it never even happened,
Though it never existed
Except as a figment of my imagination.
I deny my feelings,
Refuse to interpret the signs.
This. Isn't. Happening.
Unbidden, my memories return
To that night,
That day.
The pleasure and the pain,
And the overwhelming shame.