the truth hurts

i see you smile
so i smile back
but then
a girl walks up
from behind me
and kisses you
it hurts
but i'm used to it
i feel like
no one loves me
in that way or not
no one cares
but i dont blame them
all i do is complain
about how bad i feel
another thing
my looks are a crime
even wear makeup
i'm still one ugly mother fucker
excuse my language mom
but you know its true
even my friends
even my family
lie to my face
telling me i'm beautiful
its a goddamn lie
well
at least one of my friends tell the truth
she tells me how people talk about me
even i notice the stares
she criticizes my every move
and i know what she's saying is true
i'm fat
im ugly
i've been fucking diagnosed with depression
they say i have a chemical imbalance
they say i have an obsession
with blood
and thoughts of killing people
they talk to me like im fuckin stupid
no one gives a fuck about me
and no one ever will