To my Dad...

Do I disappoint you?
Does the smile in my face insult you?
You hurt me and bruise me
Put me down like no one else
And I smile.

It hurts, it does
The insults, the pain, the non stop comparisons to people I'll never be
People I don't want to be
Why isn't me good enough?
Have faith in me, your my dad. I love you.

Tears are dripping inside but I hold it in
Be strong kid, I tell myself, be a man.
You'll accomplish everything you ever wanted.
Prove everyone wrong and become the person I'm destined to be.
And I did it my way. Not yours.

It keeps me fighting.
Keeps me smiling, outside and inside.
I love you dad. I fucking love you no matter what.
Without you there'd be none of this.
I wouldn't be fighting. I wouldn't be smiling.

You look down on me yet I look up to you.
I'm nothing you wish me to be, everything you can't seem to see
Believe in me for once and I'll make you proud.
I aim to make you proud so I can feel proud of myself.
To give me meaning for all of this.

I love you dad....but I'm not you.
You've put me through so much and it's made me who I am today.
So I thank you for all of it.
I'll make it through and I'll do it
My way