Instability

Burning trembles in my heart,
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIcrawling like the hands that
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIItrace patterns on my skin –
stars and galaxies of wonder
bleed into rivers of indecision.

They were train tracks down my thighs
and my messed up vision showed
me pockets full of
IIIIIIIIIIIIa
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIi
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIr
gasped from a scream.

There used to be a disease in my mind
but now it’s a friend – a relief.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII cried because I was scared,
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIInot because it hurt
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII- though it did,
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlike ripping off my fingernails
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIand crunching on my bones.

My body would be lying down
when they found me
and finally reaching some stability
calmed my r a g g e d
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIbreaths.

Who am I kidding?
I had no stability.

And I was already rumoured to
be an animal
so it wouldn’t be a surprise when
they stumbled upon a
IIIIIIIIIblood mess.

My face is streaked with pieces
IIIIIIIIIof the moon
and I close my lips around a
throbbing wrist, full of
crescents and white memories.

I don’t need to muffle my
screams
and I dig my lifelines out
with my human-sharp teeth
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII- which can change into a vampire’s
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIwith a bit of pain.

Pain had never felt so
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIgood
and the blood stains my lips
in a liquid lipstick,
IIIIIIIIIIIIturning me into a canvas.

And I watch with sickly moans
until my life has bled onto the
sidewalk, still thinking
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIthis isn’t a suicide.

The black-eyed man that spoke
in my riddled mind
was the one who chewed my wrists
IIIIIIIIIapart.