Through These Honest Veins ( Is it too much?)

Can anyone understand what its like to begin to hate the blood that runs through your veins?

I do, I hate this worthless liquid that runs through my honest veins, that ties me to a family of self hate. With nothing better to do but talk behind its own kins back. I am tired of having to keep my mouth shut and clear the table, I am tried of listening to my mom bitch and moan about my brother and my dad, I am Tired of listening to this whole damn fucking family bitch and moan about everything don't they have other things to do?

For once stop talking about how fucked up the rest or the family is and look at yourself. I used to cut myself in hope of getting rid of this burning blood. I don't want to have children because I dont want my filthy blood to ruin their honest to go veins, I don't want to taint them with the self hate that my family has. I hate this feeling and I long now more than ever someone to understand this feeling of not understanding some one that will make it all better someone that will make me forget about the blood. I want someone that will be beyond blood.

I know this too much to ask, but I can't take it anymore for once in a while I want to die again, and I can't get the thoughts out of my head and music doesnt want to clean me anymore, I've lost faith in so many things that I am not even sure if I am still breathing. All I want is someone to love and someone to understand and some one to make me forget. Is that too much?