so this is my cry for help

just
can you please, let me apologize for my actions,
or lack therof
for anytime that we spent together.

I'm a cold person,
at least I think I am.

what you got when we were friends, best friends,
at least I thought we were best friends.
you were my best friend,
was what you got when we were more than best friends

I wasn't very open with how I felt.
I was brought up never to impose on people.
never cry in front of anyone
never laugh too loudly
don't smile too big
keep quiet
trust that eggshells will be the only thing I walk upon

I didn't know how to show how I felt
and I regret that because you were my fucking everything
I regret myself

I apologize that I didn't call you as much as I should
I apologize that I didn't wait to watch those supernatural episodes
but honestly, I thought that you truly didn't care. because
you told me that all your free time was going to you new friends and that
everytime I needed to see you, to hear you on somewhere that wasn't a telephone
you replied with a no

you've started to move on
and I regret not saying anything about it because
I didn't want to impose
I didn't want to annoy you
I wanted you to still love me
so I gave you your space
and you left me

but this is my cry for help
saying that I still need you
because I can't move on
trust me
i've tried

and although I understand that we don't make an awesome pair
I need my best friend
because I really need to be held
in that best friend sort of way

because I have a lot of issues and i still really love you
like more than a best friend
but also as,
well,
a best friend

so, I want to apologize for everything
but only if you let me