"Beautiful"

She looks in the mirror
Everything so ugly
Every flaw they don't see
Traces itself out
To show her she's ugly
She doesn't show the world
Every ounce of makup
So much eyeliner
And mascara to match
Just to cover up
And look "beautiful"
For everyone to look
And not insult her
But she's so damaged
Damaged beyond repair
On the inside
In her heart
She's never pretty
She can never be
Good enough
Good enough
For all the peering eyes
Who look at her
And see the beauty
But they don't see
Her eyes
So glossy
So folded
Into the hate
She holds
For herself
Alone in her room
With no one to see
Her sister is gone
And she's alone
At the mirror
Picking out
Every flaw
In her body
Maybe
She can forget
For a little while
By the usual calm
After the blade
She knows
They hate
When she does it
But right now
She doesn't think
Mind clouded
With hate
Looking for release
The blade is so close
And her skin
Is so soft
The calming
Is almost instant
As blood trickles
Down her legs
And onto the floor
She feels sorry
To make a mess
But too far gone
To care much
The sting
The warm trickle
The calm
The end
But it's not over
There's still a mess
To clean up
Can't let them see
The flaws
In herself
She knows just how
To get the blood out
She's done it before
So many times
It's just routine
Just daily life
To be "beautiful"
to have people
Look at her
And say
"wow she's
Gorgeous"
And she feels
Ok
For a little bit
A little rush
She's "beautiful"...
But not good enough
For him
Not
For anyone
They need to stop
She doesn't believe
That she's "beautiful"
but they
They say it anyways
She draws back
Back to the mirror
Painting herself
So delicately
But still not
Good enough
Just another day
In being "beautiful"
But wait
There he is
She says hi
She tries not to
Make a fool
Of herself
But every word
Comes out
So clumsily
And all the mistakes
Make her
Want to die
And she cant
Say goodbye
Wants to go
Try harder
To be more
"beautiful"
Be good enough
For his eyes
To notice her
To make him
Want her
But she
Keeps remembering
The mirror
The mess
The blade...
She shivers
And he asks
What's wrong
But she says
She's fine
Nothings wrong
But
What she sees
Is blood
She can't think
Of anything
But the blade
Everyone needs
To be quiet
Everyone needs
To SHUT UP
She's ready
To scream
Just ready
To run away
Please
Go away
Shaking
So heavily
Just
GO AWAY
She can't
stand it
She needs
To be alone
She needs
Her blade
for another day
Being "beautiful"