Not Okay

My head hurts
My heart aches
Is this real?
It must be fake
I’ve gotten lost
And insecure
The set lines
Are starting to blur
I’m fucking up
Just like before
Lead me away
I’m never sure
Give me hope
Then tear it away
Leave me a mess
At the end of the day
Know I won’t falter
Know I won’t break
Even if this
Is just a huge mistake
I can’t help my heart
Just like you can’t help yours
So I’ll rip mine out
Leave it in a drawer
And let it slowly
Cease to beat
Admitting now
My defeat
But don’t you worry
Don’t you fret
It’s now just time
To pay my debts
It’s also time
To fuel my fears
In recognition
Of wasted years
And once again
I must say
It’s all there is
I’m not okay