I'm Just A Foolish Child

Anger.
That’s all I feel.
Only,
It’s a secondary feeling.
So,
What’s fueling this anger?
What’s stopping me from talking?
What’s stopping me from smiling?

Hurt,
Pain,
Anguish,
Fear,
Sorrow.

Why?
What happened to me?

I got beat.
Choked.

Just because I stood up for myself,
My friends,
Against a girl,
Who had no right.

My mom.
She doesn’t understand.
She doesn’t care.

I’m just a foolish child.
I’m a kid.
I have no discipline.
I have no control…

It hurts to breathe.
It hurts to be alive.
I take razors to my skin,
Because they make me feel alive.

Even if I cry,
It doesn’t help.
I can’t get away.
I don’t think I ever will.

I’m just a foolish child.
I’m a kid.
I have no discipline.
I have no control…
My mom only sees what’s on the outside.
My mom only sees a rag doll.
My mom only says nice things to real individuals.
My mom treats me,
Like her own personal voodoo doll.

I’m just a foolish child.
I’m a kid.
I have no discipline.
I have no control…

Apparently,
I’m so stupid,
I’ll never finish high school.

Apparently,
I’m so ugly,
I’ll never marry.

Apparently,
I’m so differently,
I’ll never fit in to society.

Apparently,
My mom,
Wants me dead.

I’m just a foolish child.
I’m a kid.
I have no discipline.
I have no control…

No control over what?
My life.
My ways.
Who I talk to,
Who I hang out with,
Who I am.

I am an individual.
I am a person.
I am myself.
But,
I’m too weak to stand up against my mom.

Why?

Because to her,
I’m just a foolish child.
I’m a kid.
I have no discipline.
I have no control over her.

So this is why I cut,
This is why I lie.
This is why I say,
“I’m fine”,
And give a reassuring smile.

No one knows,
How I feel,
So very deep inside.

Everyone wants me to spread my wings.
Wants me to be happy.
Except I can’t!
I don’t want to!
I’m content how I am.

So,
Just leave me alone.
No one can help me now.