I Can't Even Hold A Note

Missing you is like I can't even hold a note.
It's time for the chorus and I seem to be going strong then I suddenly break.
I don't understand why it happens like that.
I just don't know how much more I can take.

I've tried talking about it,
But it only makes it worse.
I try to forget about it,
But it sticks to me like a curse.

I can't shake it off.
I can't even run from it.
There's no secret repellant to use.
I've barely even grown from it.

My biggest fear was that when you passed everything would change.
I knew it was coming so I tried to prepare.
I wasn't ready for all the confusion and hurt.
My previous nightmares can't even compare.

Nightmares are nothing.
What's worse is when it gets real.
I can't even begin to make sense,
Of what I truly feel.

I've tried different treatments.
But I'm scared to loose my head.
I don't want to be a slave to the sadness.
I want to pulverize it instead.

My grief has made me angry.
All I ever want to do is scream!
But my tantrum is useless.
It only loosens the seam.

I was always the brave one.
I held others together.
Now they hold me.
Will this pain last forever?

I think about you dying every second.
I always picture how awful you looked in that bed.
Saying goodbye never really helps.
I wish there was something different I could have said.

I just want one more tight hug.
I want another trip out on the boat.
Maybe then I'll get better at moving on.
Missing you is like I can't even hold a note.