in love with pain

I look at you.
You are beautiful.
I feel a smile pull across my face at the thought of you;
then I feel razorblades itching to notch lines into my skin.
It’s the ultimate pleasure to gaze upon your perfect face
and it’s also the most agony I’ve ever been subjected to.
It’s almost a new addiction to feel the pain
of just looking at you.
I wish this pain would cease
but I know it won’t and probably never will.
I feel our memories bubble in my throat then sting in my eyes while I cry.
I sob over you.
Weeping of lost people
and smiling of old memories.
I know my heart will never fill without you being mine.