Vanishing

They whisper
But they may as well be screaming
About how useless I am
About how much they hate me

I want somewhere I belong 
But I fear I won't find that in this life
People think it's for attention
But it's not

Whatever I do I can't stop thinking
Of suicide 
Glittering blood on the floor
A crimson waterfall flowing from my wrist

Or the gun in my hand 
Urging it to shoot and end this 
The pills sitting in the cupboard 
Pleading with me to take them all

The drugs and alcohol 
So that I can float above it all
No one would notice 
For at least a day

By then I would be long gone
Hopefully to a place beyond here
But the thing that prevents me from 
Reaching for the gun, the pills, the  knife

Is the hope that someone might step up
Step up and care, help me over come this
Tell me they would miss me
And couldn't bare it if I left 

That's the only thing that keeps me alive
Breathing for one more day
But with every passing day
I fear that, that won't be enough anymore and that I might just vanish