In Spite of Myself

I’m too cool to look,
But I still scan the crowd
I’m too scared to speak,
Yet my voice comes out loud

Too detached to flirt,
Still, fingers twist hair
I’m determined to leave,
But I’m still standing there

I lean into his touch,
Despite chills down my back
And I welcome his kiss,
But my will shows no crack

I’m disgusted by smoke,
Still I open my mouth
I’m too overwhelmed
As his hands journey south

My brain screams out “No”
As he tugs, freeing skin
My logic’s too weak,
Inner demons always win

Too exposed to run,
Guess it’s just him and me
My blood bursts alive,
Waiting for what will be

It shocks me to see him,
So hungry with need
And in spite of myself,
I’ve already agreed

Mouth to mouth, skin to skin
We tumble and fall
Conflicted, I hide
Behind my inner wall

I’m too proud to beg,
With my eyes pleading “yes”
So ashamed of myself,
Feelings he couldn’t guess

Plagued by my guilt,
I pick clothes off the floor
We part ways at first light,
Strangers no more