Relaspe

It's been a year
And I've picked it up again
I had been tempted a lot this year to use it
But I hadn't given in til recent
Something's pulling me down
Usually I recover and smile
And it would mean something
Yet now I fake it again
I feel too numb
I worry too much
I feel like I'm being judged and hated
Maybe I'm just paranoid
Maybe I need help
But right now all I know is that I can't get reaquainted with my blade again.