Hurt.

Hurt.
All I remember
From that cold September
Is hurt.
And it gets worse.

Finding my flaws so damn easily,
I cling onto something that still reminds me
Of the way that you smiled when I told you my name
Or how I once felt when I danced in the rain
With you,
But now, we are through…

I looked at your e-mails and read through your notes,
And I wasn’t pretending when I said I choked
On the “sorries,” “I miss yous” and “you’re still my friend,”
And the “I will care for yous” and “let’s play pretends”
And it stung,
And I thought you’d won.

So I packed up my laptop, ran all the way home,
And started a new life with things of my own –
I waited, pretended, and cried through the pain
And remembered the feeling of dancing in rain
With the wind in my hair and your smile on my skin,
And the deep-rooted hatred that surfaced as sin.

And, the bouquets of flowers I kept on my shelf?
- Well, they’re rotting somewhere, most likely in Hell –
I don’t seem to mind, and I’ll not make a din,
For I’ll be the joker, if you want to win
In this game of misfortune, though who wants to lose?
I’ll not be too bothered as long as I bruise
From my efforts to forget the memories we made
And the night we drunk vodka but not lemonade,
And the wiping of tears from my eyes as they fell
So softly from Earth into the pits of hell
That I carved –
The pain wasn’t halved.

Hurt.
All I remember
From that cold September
Is hurt.
And it gets worse.