Welcome to the mind of a cutter
The blade.....
The blade, it calls to you, almost screaming your name. Making it harder and harder to ignore the urges! The urges to press it down and drag it back against your skin. The urges...no...Craving for that feeling again....
The feeling.....
The feeling that you get......it’s almost like an electric charge, one that you crave every waking hour of everyday, that charge that takes everything away; The thoughts, anger, emotion......just gives you the calmness, that calmness that you need to get through the day, even though that calmness only lasts a few seconds, you just want it.....more and more.
The first time.....
The first time is the worst and yet the best. The first time you hold that blade in your hand, shaking and scared ...You realize that this is the only thing that you have left, the only thing that will truly be there for you no matter what....You realize how alone you truly fucking are. But then again, the first time, it gives you the biggest calming charge, the one that you truly crave....the one that you truly want, much like when a drug addict takes that certain drug for the first time, they get the biggest high, and that's what they want from it again, and that’s why you get hooked......trying to recreate that first time! But no....it will never again be or feel that way!
The voices......
The voices .......telling you how truly useless you are, how you deserve this, how everyone would just be happier without you, how you are nothing! Those are the thoughts you try and hide with the blade, the thoughts that go away for a few seconds with just a quick swipe to the wrist, with just a few drops of blood, and gone! But they come back.....they always do, more powerful and when you least expect it.....They come back with the thoughts of how stupid you are, running to the blade, the only thing that keeps you somewhat sane in your fucked up little world that is really not sane at all.....and never will be again
The nights......
The nights are the worst....it’s when everything is dark quite and depressing! When you have your time to think, about everything; about what you have done to yourself, about how much you want the charge back, about how much you just want everything to go away! It’s when you start begging for someone to just kill you, or just fall asleep and never wake up in the morning! It’s when you wish for something else to take you away from all this because you don’t have the strength to keep on living, or the strength to take it away yourself...Night time is the worst time.
Suicide.......
Suicide starts to feel like the only option. The only way for everything to go away, the scars, the cuts, the pain, the silence, the screams, the voices, the cravings for the blade...everything. The suicidal thoughts start to seem like the only normal ones, the only ones the truly make sense and feel sane, when they are clearly the most fucked up ones that you have.
The blade, it calls to you, almost screaming your name. Making it harder and harder to ignore the urges! The urges to press it down and drag it back against your skin. The urges...no...Craving for that feeling again....
The feeling.....
The feeling that you get......it’s almost like an electric charge, one that you crave every waking hour of everyday, that charge that takes everything away; The thoughts, anger, emotion......just gives you the calmness, that calmness that you need to get through the day, even though that calmness only lasts a few seconds, you just want it.....more and more.
The first time.....
The first time is the worst and yet the best. The first time you hold that blade in your hand, shaking and scared ...You realize that this is the only thing that you have left, the only thing that will truly be there for you no matter what....You realize how alone you truly fucking are. But then again, the first time, it gives you the biggest calming charge, the one that you truly crave....the one that you truly want, much like when a drug addict takes that certain drug for the first time, they get the biggest high, and that's what they want from it again, and that’s why you get hooked......trying to recreate that first time! But no....it will never again be or feel that way!
The voices......
The voices .......telling you how truly useless you are, how you deserve this, how everyone would just be happier without you, how you are nothing! Those are the thoughts you try and hide with the blade, the thoughts that go away for a few seconds with just a quick swipe to the wrist, with just a few drops of blood, and gone! But they come back.....they always do, more powerful and when you least expect it.....They come back with the thoughts of how stupid you are, running to the blade, the only thing that keeps you somewhat sane in your fucked up little world that is really not sane at all.....and never will be again
The nights......
The nights are the worst....it’s when everything is dark quite and depressing! When you have your time to think, about everything; about what you have done to yourself, about how much you want the charge back, about how much you just want everything to go away! It’s when you start begging for someone to just kill you, or just fall asleep and never wake up in the morning! It’s when you wish for something else to take you away from all this because you don’t have the strength to keep on living, or the strength to take it away yourself...Night time is the worst time.
Suicide.......
Suicide starts to feel like the only option. The only way for everything to go away, the scars, the cuts, the pain, the silence, the screams, the voices, the cravings for the blade...everything. The suicidal thoughts start to seem like the only normal ones, the only ones the truly make sense and feel sane, when they are clearly the most fucked up ones that you have.