12:05

it's 12:05 and you're still on my mind. i hurt myself because of insecurities a bunch of times. now it's a minute later and i'm still thinking of you, thinking how this could be possibly true, how two people started out as strangers then friends, then something between that and lovers to nothing. it was a weird thing y'know? me and you? but you were the sunshine of my day and your smile was the ray, it made me feel like everything will be okay and there's nothing more i can say. actually, i don't remember the day that you left or completely faded away, you were gone in an instant, and who's the one to blame? is it you, who got bored and disappointed because i wasn't the great person you thought i was, or is it mine because i made you believe that i was that person. was it your intention to break my heart? or all you ever wanted was to be friends from the start? i don't really know why you made me feel alright, why did you tell me all those pretty nothings? telling me days will be brighter and you'll never leave like he did because you loved talking to me. i don't really know why i'm writing about this, i don't sound smart anyway. i try so hard to keep myself busy so i won't think of you, but it's just so hard to do. i am completely aware that you're gone now and i don't know when you're coming back, i'm not even sure if you are. i know i'm holding onto something that isn't there anymore, all your feelings faded away. i want you to know that i'm having a hard time taking all of these in. it's just so hard. it's 12:17 now and you're probably sleeping, dreaming of her and not me, you're dreaming of the place where your mind wants you to be. i'm sorry if i turned out to be a complete bore, but it still hurts me when you look at her the way you used to look at me. i used to be the one you adored but not anymore.