Feel of the Blade

Floating in a field of green
All my thoughts drift slowly away.
For the first time, I feel peace...
Not for long, however.
The thoughts always make their way back
Torturing me with my failure at control
With my worthlessness, my invisibility.
I am utterly alone.
I wish I could run away from myself
Leave those memories far behind.
I need freedom from these words
Shrieking in my head.
Drag the blade across your skin.
Savor the sharp bite.
Watch the blood run red.
The knife glimmers with dripping rubies.
All the turmoil in my brain
Usually quiets.
A sense of release, of calming.
But I can't work through the jumbled mess anymore.
So I cut a little deeper.

I just can't control myself.