hush, hush, my dear... there's nothing to fear.

darkness; cold.
she scurries into her bed, broken.
breathless, her lips muffle the words
[hush, hush, my dear.. there's nothing to fear.]
thought by thought by thought.
too many thoughts.
go away thoughts.
i don't need you!
--yes you do.
stop!
i don't need to think about this right now!
please! don't!
i was happy!
--but isn't all because you forgot?
--forgot the tales of your past.
--the tales of your future
suffocated.
i hate this world.
i hate it all, i don't need it.
--it needs you.
only for brief moments.
she sighs.
inhale.
exhale.
oh, quiver of an inhale.
the flood begins.
this isn't a joke anymore
these memories hurt.
the stress is killing me.
the smiles..
they're all lies.
my jokes..
they're all cover ups.
--give, give, give.
--but never take.
--that'll be selfish.
--don't you know that, my dear?
ideas.
i'm just put on this earth to help people.
save them.
not me.
I just don't know by who or what.
And I feel like I'm a sacrifice.
Like.. my body is the sacrifice,
I'm sacrificing my health and my emotions for others
and I'm afraid that one day..
I'm going to run out of help,
become even more depressed and stressed than I am now
and who ever or whatever put me here is just..
make myself power down.
Shut off, gone..
dead.
bitting her lip.
silent screams.
why doesn't anybody notice?!
am i that good at playing pretend?!
questions, questions, questions.
unanswered.
--there's no one there.
--stop trying.
--just leave, clearly you're suffering.
no!
--do it!
--it'll be safer without having any tasks.
my mom..
my dad.
no.
never.
--yes.
silence.
scattered.
--oh, miss.. did i correct you?
--did i prove you that you are wrong?
--just do it.
get out!
frightened.
scared by her own thoughts.
black out.
i can't see.
i can't breathe.
scratch; grab.
sob.
why am i doing this to myself?!
please stop!
--you deserve it!
NO!
--------------------------------
relaxed.
eyes closed.
--open them.
--look what you've done to yourself.
whispers.
it's not my fault, it's not my fault.
repeat.
please forgive me.. it's not my fault.
head rises from her knees.
glances to the horrifying mirror.
she covers her mouth with her hand.
tears.
more tears.
who am i?
scratches from head to toe.
blood.
she whispers those muffled words.
[hush, hush, my dear... there's something to fear.]