Cant Break Through the Pain

my grandmother my brother and than my child. I've held this pain in for awhile. My grandmother was such a sweet old women filled with nothing but care. She raised me as a child and was always there. Mother and father abandoned us I don't really know them. But my grandmother found us outside and took us in. Years went past as she got old. There's so many great memories about her to be told. I stand at her grave and think about all those years. Its been 4 years and I still think of her and shed tears. Lee is my brother my oldest one lets talk about that. If I knew how he really felt I wish I could go back. Back to when I seen his tears pour. I heard the gun go off when I shut the door. shaking and numb with thoughts going through my head. I didn't want to open the door to see my brother dead. Its been 10 years since he's been gone. I still sit and wonder what went wrong. My beautiful babygirl. I only spent 5 minutes with you before God took you out of this world. I still sit and wonder how you would be. The pain is tearing scars in me. I have to be strong for my son but it drives me insane. I just can't break through this pain.