Smile Alone

Crowded but alone.
I was a little girl not even four,
I'd look around and feel alone in the world.
I'd be in a crowded place with a smile on my face but all I wanted was to hide away.
I'm so confused, Why did I have to go through so much growing up?
Do I deserve to be haunted by all the memories of the past?
Look at me... Are you surpised at what you see?
I'm broken with defeat, I don't have anymore hope within me.
Save me from my past memories before they suffocate me.
I'm in a crowded place with a smile on my face but I just want to hide away.
Surrounded by so many but they see straight through me, I'm invisible to everybody.
I feel suffocated with all this pain around me.
I don't believe in anything.
I'm drowning in my own self pity.
My depression is taking over me and the only one who gets me is my bestie but she's miles away in another state.
I wish she was here with me,
She knows when I'm crying out for help.
I'm not prefect, everyone has problems I just don't want mine on display for eveybody to see.
So I put a smile on my face and leave the tears for another day even if I want to scream until I can't speak but that's not going to help me.
I'm not superman, Things hurt me easily.
I cry myself to sleep.
Nobody knows how deep my pain really is but me.
Nobody knows how i think, How I feel or what goes on in my mind because that's what makes me who I am.
I hate everything about me but I put a smile on my face and try to be nice.
I go to sleep and dream about things that make me happy but then I wake up and I can't remember anything.
I'm all alone here but I smile anyways,
I guess I've gone insane.