Battlefield

I plan each day as if its a battle strategy
And the whole world is against me.
But instead of bullets and bombs
They use words and whispers
As if they can see the bullet pierce my heart
They use smirks and grins
As if they can see the bombs explode in my mind
But they don't see the scars they leave on my wrists or my thighs.

I fight as if each day is my last
Because it damn near might be
And even though the whole world is against me
The one leading the army is not even a human.
Its a rectangular piece of glass on the back of my closet doors
Or above my bathroom sink
Or on the side of my car
And it whispers to me 'what?'
What's the point in living?
What do you have to lose?
And with every comment it's army advances.
And I can see my hope fade along with all of my chances,

All I want is to raise a white flag
But the only cloth I can find is vandalized with words like
'Selfish'
'Weak'
'Thoughtless'
And I don't want to be all those things.
I just want this war to end.
And every bomb is getting bigger
And every bullet wider
And every cut deeper
Until the army is walking straight through me
And I don't feel a damn thing
Because there's nothing left of who I am
And all I want now is for the army to do the worst they can.

So I take every word with a smile and a grin
Because there are people on then sidelines
And they want to see me happy.
But that piece of glass knows the truth.
That piece of glass knows every weakness,
Every trigger to pull
Every fuse of light
Until finally,
I load my own gun.
I light my own bomb.
They don't need to use weapons because eventually
I'll use my own.
And I don't care if I'm my own worst enemy
And I don't care if the whole war was in my mind
Because I am a product of my own world
And that world roots itself inside of my mind
So what's more real that that?
And I don't care if the flag I raise is tainted
Because I'd rather label myself by raising the flag
Then be labeled by the people on the sidelines watching me lose.