No Idea

You have no idea
How unproductive it is
To fall
In and out of you
As often as I do
I really liked you okay
And I really shouldn't have
And I had no idea what I was getting myself into
I had no idea that you were messed up
That you were so sad
And that you were so tired
Because you smiled all the time
And you made it seem like you were so happy
And everyone liked you
And I shouldn't have felt that way
Because we were just friends
And you were my best friend
And you weren't supposed to find out
But you did anyway because
I slipped up
But you're the one who asked me about it anyway
Even though I asked you not to
please
And you acted like it was your fault
Like you made me like you or something
And I don't understand why you blamed yourself
Why
It was a me thing
Not you
And I tried to get over it
I did
And I am
At least
I think I am?
I’ve come to know my place
Now my hunger isn’t
Wasted anymore
Cause I’m younger but
I'm tired and I’m sore
You can tell me your deepest darkest secrets
And that's okay
Think I’ll go and
Roam outside your boundary
But we can't be anything more than best friends
Because I can't handle someone like you
And you can't handle someone like me
Though sometimes I'll think about what we'd be like
Sometimes
When I feel like a glutton for punishment
But then I realize that we'd be too much
And that we'd have no idea how to be normal
Because I'm not ordinary and neither are you
And now I'm okay
I'm okay with you leaving
I'm okay with you going away
And I'm okay with not seeing you again
And lately I’ve been
Feeling grey
But today
I’m alright
No thanks to you