You Are Someone Else, I Am Still Right Here

I have trouble sleeping at night.
My brain wont slow long enough for rest.
I spend too much time thinking about how things should be,
and what used to be.
Who I am
and how I've let everyone down.
I spent my whole life taking care of everyone else;
most recently my deceased grandpa.
Now I'm so lost, I don't know where to begin.
I'm terrified.
I have no help and I'm not sure who to ask
or how to say no to those around me.
I've lost my friends,
I've lost my future
and I've lost myself.
I want to cry and scream
I think, If if drink, I could kill it all
but I still remember.
I'm falling apart inside,
just kept together by a thin thread
but on the outside you would never know
you Never can know, either.
What would you think of this weakness?
I can't let you be even more disappointed in me.
What have I become?
A lost relic nobody ever loved.
Stuck here with broken thoughts
and an irreparable soul