Mommy Did You Know

Mommy Did You Know....
I Use To Try My Hardest Just To Impress You?
To Show You How Much I Loved You?
To Show How Much I Cared For You?
But....
You Did Not Feel The Same Love....
Like I Did.....
So I Gave Up On Love...
Knowing It Does Not Exist...
Not For Me At Least.....
Mommy Did You Really Love Me?

Mommy Did You Know....
My Grandma, Your Mama, Takes Care Of Me......
Like She Did To Your Other Daughter, My Sister, All Those Years Ago?
You Caused So Much Pain To All The People Around You....
Making Their Life's.....
A Living Hell.....
Mommy, Did You Care For The Pain You Caused?

Mommy Did You Know.....
You Embarrass The People Around You?
With All The Screaming And Drama You Do....
You Are A Disgrace....
I Know I Have Not The Right To Say That Because...
I Too, Am A Disgrace....
Mommy Do You Know What Embarrassment Means?
Do You Even Feel It?

Mommy Did You Know.....
When I Am Alone...
I Always Ask Myself This "Was My Life A Mistake?"
And I Always End Up With This Answer, From A Voice Inside My Head, "Of Course It Is.... Your Mommy Went Out And Got Her Self Knocked Up With You, So Your Life Is A Mistake" The Voice Said With A Evil Chuckle At The End....
Mommy Am I Really A Mistake?

Mommy Did You Know.....
I Use To Silently Cry Myself To Sleep Because Of You?
Because You Said I Should Just Drop Dead....
That Struck My Heart Shatters To Billions Of Tiny Pieces...

When I Was A Child...
I Loved You With All My Heart...
But Did You See That?
No, You Did Not....
All You Saw Was A Nuisance....
A Child You Gave Birth To....
And Abandoned.....
Mommy Did You Really Wanted Me?

Mommy Did You Know.....
My Body And Mind Used To Be.....
Warm And Carefree....
But Now It Is...
Cold And Restricted.....
I Cannot Be Who I Want To Be....
Not Even In My Own Mind......
Mommy Do You Care, If I Have To Live A Lie?

Mommy Did You Know.....
You Made Me Hurt My Only True Friend?
Did You Know, When I Look At Her I Feel Guilty?
Because You Bluntly Said To Her "I don't Approve Of You Being My Daughters Friend. I Don't Want To See You With Her Ever Again!".
Seeing How I Could Not Protect Her From You.....
Makes Me Feel More Hatred, For You......
And For Me.....
Mommy Did You Really Think It Through, When You Said That To Nikki?

Mommy Did You Know.....
I Have To Go Through A Life.....
Living With People, Who Don't Know The Real Me....
Pretending To Be Someone I'm Not.....
Growing An Almost Unbreakable Mask....
Hiding Behind it.
Lying To Others Saying With A Fake Happy "I'm Fine"........
Mommy Do You Believe You're The Reason I Hide?

Mommy Did You Know.....
The Pain You Caused For Others And Myself....
Made Me Turn To A Knife For Relieve?
My Arms Ache Because Of My Self-Inflicted Cuts....
I Wish I Could Stop....
But I Got Addicted To It....
Like Drags....
So I Cannot Stop, On Willpower Alone....
Mommy Do You Give A Damn If I Hurt Myself?

Mommy did you know....
I want to kill myself...?