Dark Room

Laying in the dark while the black surrounds me like a thick blanket keeping me safe within it. Wrapped in tightly, I feel the embrace that im used to. Here in the dark my thoughts roam freely. Bouncing off my yellow painted walls that now seem to never end in this sea of black . My mind, fighting me on every thought. Im begining to lose this battle once again. The battle i've lost so many times before and yet i've learned nothing on my defeat. I hear the words play in my head like a song on repeat etching the words into my skull. I visualize each word with my eyes sealed tightly each lid pressed against eachother to force the words to stay inside my head. I wonder why I continue on this way. I often think to myself that I am used to the pain and I somehow bonded with the darkness. All the loud opressing voices that fill my head with negitivity are now sewn deep within me. I hear all my enemies in there. All my most hated moments; my fears; my sorrows; my mistakes; my doubts... just bouncing around, floating back in forth in my mind. Will they ever slow to a complete stop? Will I ever be free'd? Or will I slowly but surely self distruct and continue to torture myself daily. I feel overwhelmed and overcome. I am being surpressed by all my insecurities. How will I ever beat myself at my own game? I have become my own worst enemy. I have believed the lies my head forcefully installed. I have become the very thing that i hated. I have withdrawn within myself, once again. Deep into the core of me. Deep within the darkest part of my mind where there are no lights only an empty room with no windows. The only feeling i get come from cold walls and floor. I sit there inside myself hiding away. The dark comforts me because I have lost the very part of me that wants to fight back. My eyes are open but feel closed and see nothing. My heart is beating and yet i feel dead. My pulse is beating but I am no more. I lay here in the comfort of this dark room but no one knows I am trapped in a dark room entirely of my own.